While listening to a sermon by Allan Blanch, one of my local Presbyterian ministers, I was struck by a deep feeling that it's okay for me to be a Christian, and that it's the right thing to do. In that moment, something shifted, and I decided not only to put my faith in God but also in Jesus.
I've guarded closely my own set of beliefs and values, my own philosophy on life, but there was always a piece of the puzzle missing.
I've always been an agnostic, unsure of anything, because, in my view, nothing can be known for sure if we are being honest.
Still, I've always felt there is more to what is going on than just atoms bouncing around, and for better or worse, synchronicity has played a large part in my life.
Please tell me if I'm mistaken, but I think Jung coined the term. I call him Jung, but it's pronounced Jung.
I'll explain synchronicity as coincidences that are too good to be just random anomalies. Much of who I am today has come about due to synchronicity playing out in my life.
I used to struggle to label it as God working in things or a thinking universe; either way, I've had shit happen to me that is high up on the weird shitometer.
I've always prayed and oriented myself in such a way that there is meaning bestowed upon the world and us, and we have to live up to our own destinies and do right by them and others.
Despite this, I've been reluctant to call myself a Christian, one, because it comes with the baggage of other Christians, two, a lot of the bible, especially the Old Testament, doesn't make much sense to me and seems pretty far-fetched.
And even Jesus being raised from the dead doesn't gel with what I know about reality.
But Ricky, that's the whole crux of Christianity: believing Jesus rose from the dead so we can be washed clean of our sins.
Well, what I cannot deny is that my personal individual reality is enmeshed with Christianity through my wife and friends.
The very worst, most dreadful day of my life was when I had a psychotic episode and was taken to the hospital, where I thought I was being put down.
That night, I met my wife, a Christian who's always wanted me to be a Christian. That day marked a significant turning point in my life, where I turned it all around. The incident catalysed numerous beneficial changes in me, likely saving me from myself, and ultimately led to a lifelong partnership with my wife.
A wife who embodies many of the good parts of the Christian ethos.
Since then, my community has been a Christian one, one I far prefer to my old tribe, who were a lot of fun but reckless, unthoughtful, and at times uncaring.
So when I think about my world in relation to synchronicity and where I've been placed, maybe, just maybe, Christians have it right, or some part of it, and if so, I don't want to miss out if heaven awaits, and it might sound silly to some, but I don't want to take any chances.
I want a solid connection with God so I can grow fully, and if that means going through Jesus (as explained by Allan in that sermon) and taking a chance on the idea he was in fact raised from the dead, I'm going to take it.
Some would say I'm not Christian enough or not Christian at all, but I choose honesty, and I don't know for sure about the resurrection, but I'm going to assume it is true.
A lot of changes have been taking place inside of me since making the call. For the most part, I don't regret it, even though it was a split-second decision that changed my heart. Whether it is Grace manifesting or me trying harder, I don't mind; it's working.
Putting God at the centre makes me feel connected and part of something greater than myself, and I'm humbled by it.
I still believe in evolution, I know plenty about it to know I can't just say it's not true without reverting to blatant tribalism.
We shouldn't assume this world is destined for the wrecking ball; instead, we should care about and fight for better and fairer systems. Christians do a lot of harm by being subservient and not caring about such things, only looking to the kingdom and a life after this one.
I'm glad I'm now part of a community, but I'm wary of tribalism and just going with the crowd to fit in.
I want to maintain my integrity and my logic, but if there is a heaven, I hope I've earned a ticket.
Here's to being more like Jesus. Cheers.